One of the first tasks of the Lutheran pastoral intern is to form a document which my seminary calls the “Learning Service Agreement.” Forming this document intimidated me, mainly because I knew a) I would never be able to contain all the learning that WOULD happen onto one document, and b) I also knew there was a good chance I’d never be able to complete every task I put onto the document.
Learning is a funny thing. Sometimes we learn the hard way – we touch the hot pan on the stove or we form a relationship we know we shouldn’t – and get hurt. Sometimes, we learn the easy way – we try something, it works, and – bammo! – instant learning.
But so much of life, for me, is spent in the messy place between these two realms. It’s really living a life of grace. It’s messy, but God comes to us in the mess and loves us and cares for us. And somehow, we learn.
So, here is some of what I have learned so far:
- Some people dwell in an echelon of nothing but minutia. Try to get them to see a bigger picture, and they get squiggy, defensive, or downright nasty.
- People of all ages love it when you remember their name. And women like to be complimented on their jewelry.
- Little kids like to do high-fives (or low-fives) rather than shake hands as they leave the church.
- There can be some very bigoted people sitting in the pews who feel very entitled to feel the way they do.
- Quantifying ministry is almost impossible.
- Never underestimate the impact of what you write in the newsletter.
- Think about when to talk, when to listen, when to shut up, and when to shout. (Pounding a fist on the table is optional…)
- Pray. Pray. Pray.
- Cry when you need to, or you’ll get a big fat headache. And sometimes, the headache won’t go away even after the tears are dry. (Take Tylenol, then!)
- Keep reading.
- Well-placed and/or well-timed conversations can make a huge difference.
- The congregation has a perspective of itself, and you have a perspective of the congregation. They are not always the same.
- Stay out of triangles. Apply Matthew 18 liberally as needed. It still works, even after this many years.
- Keep in communication with the leadership, which is different than sucking up to them.
- Figure out who your PR people are – and who will down-talk you, too.
- When making a home visit, if the dog wants to sit in your lap, let him/her. Remember the dog’s name, too.
- Look at photos when people have them. Listen to them talk about their families.
- Sabbath: Take time off. Be silly. Relax. Stay in your PJ’s till 4pm. Laugh with a friend. Even if you have hardly any money, go to a restaurant you love and have a cup of coffee if nothing else. Sleep. Walk. Play with the dog. Write. Lay in the hammock. Be alone if you need to, call a friend if you need to. Listen to yourself.
- Remember that the congregation has been there before you and will likely be there after you. You aren’t the be-all and end-all of the place.
- Decorate your office the way you want it, and make it hospitable to others.
- Above all, be confident that God loves you. Remember your baptism daily.
