New, Old…

There is lots of NEW going on right now. I’m still getting to know people’s names as I have transferred to a NEW seminary. I knew these people from afar before, and so now there is the getting-acquainted period of testing boundaries with one another – what does so-and-so find funny, and what is truly, deeply offensive to them? There are jokes between people which I don’t get, but that’s OK, since it’s all still NEW.

More NEW stuff – my schedule is so different. These 8am classes are an adjustment, not because I can’t function then, but because I’m such a night person, it is hard for me to wind down in the evenings in order to get to bed at a decent hour so that I can function. However, I will say that on three days a week, I’m done with class by 9:15 and there is a joy and freedom in that to me.

Ah, the OLD…this campus is OLD to me. I loved it as a child and I love it still – the trees, the natural beauty – but also – the odd-shaped chapel meant to resemble a tabernacle tent, with the cross outside the walls. The many sidewalks which seem to follow organic pathways of where people cut across the grassy hillsides at some point long ago. The collected wisdom within the walls of the library (where I am now sitting).

Did you know you can reserve study carrels? I remember this from childhood. As a child, as now, I LOVED libraries. I remember coming to this one with my mother, and seeing the seminarians in their study carrels, working away. The idea of having a piece of the library all to yourself was amazing to me! And now, here I am, with my own piece of the library.

More OLD – grief. Yes, it is still there – less now than before, though, which is liberating. It liberates me to focus on the griefs of now – the griefs of my friends as they face health crises – in their families and in their own bodies. The OLD question of Martin Luther resonates in these griefs – “What does this mean?” In other words – what do I do with this? What is God teaching me? What do I do…period? How do I live with this? We are grown-ups now, aren’t we?

Somehow, the NEW and OLD coexist. It’s kinda like the CDs in my car – I have Bach next to Simon and Garfunkel next to 14th Century pilgrimage music next to U2 – in other words, I have what I love and what is meaningful. In life, I don’t love every memory – some are deeply painful and some challenge my spirit to its breaking point.

But what I do love is that my life is very full. I am surrounded by beauty – I was reminded of that this morning during my drive in. I looked over to the eastern sky and it was aglow with the sunrise coming through the thin clouds, and the resurrection music of Bach rang in my ears and my heart. I am surrounded by people who love me, and people whom I can love daily. I am surrounded by challenges which draw me alternately inward and outward – inward, to learn and grow – outward, to help and care.

For what are you deeply grateful today? What is challenging you to grow, to learn, to stretch?